“I love your tumblr. I too have an addiction for “…” . Thanks for posting this, it helps me a lot.

Kiss, C.”

whoever this is, I am sorry for discontinuing my tumblr, and hopefully however this tumblr has helped you, my other tumblr will help in some way too. always feel free to email/ formspring me. again, i’m sorry!

right now, i am listening to my friend’s incredible music that basically sounds like panda bear to me (not to mention he has 2 other bands, one who’s producer is also a producer for very famous indie bands)… and scrolling through another friend’s incredible photos of everything from abandoned warehouses to stunning lovers to hopeful indian women to grainy san pellegrino bottles to desperate, weighty protests (and the descriptions of both of their sites are just so incredibly articulate, inspiring, and thoughtful… and these are only TWO of my peers, i can’t even think about the accomplishments of all the others)… and i’m thinking what the fuck have i been doing with my life? i need to stop putting all of my effort into perfecting my body, my looks (i’ll run & do yoga, i’ll eat veggies; i won’t painstakingly avoid every calorie, and review and mull over each and every bite… i’ll still have problems with food but i will no longer have a blog focused on those problems). i need to delve into painful, heavy, creative projects. i need to photograph. i need to find inspiration. i need to draw. i need to love. i need to write. i need to film. i need to live. i need to sacrifice. i need to add more spontaneity into my days. i need to be productive and fail. i need to reincarnate and die again. i have to do something. the summer is over. i feel like time is collapsing. 

i think this will be the end of this food journal/ body image obsession. i think it may be the end of this tumblr. in the future, during my weakest hours, i may return and reprimand myself for eating too many vegan cookies, for failing to work out for a week, but for now i am done. if you’d still like to follow me, i have another tumblr that is not at all focused on thinspiration, diets, wishes, and guilt. i post only what i find incredibly important, inspiring, beautiful, or intriguing. i’ve been on this tumblr too much anyway, reblogging beautiful, skinny women with very little thought (not that i’m belittling what i’ve reblogged, i still value everything i’ve reblogged, the photos are gorgeous and emotion-filled, i just can’t focus on this anymore). 

give me another chance. sorry for this outburst. i hope i haven’t disappointed you. i love all of my followers, and i know you guys are following me for a reason, so i feel bad suddenly stopping… but i can’t spend so much time doing this anymore. it’s detrimental to my being and soul, and it’s in no way productive (besides giving me motivation to become skinnier and skinnier, and skewing my self image and image of other women even more). i hope i haven’t offended anyone. i’m really sorry. i would’ve probably slowed down or stopped this tumblr anyway once classes started in september. email me if you’d care to, if you have any questions, if you’re angry, if you’re indifferent (eatingforyou@gmail.com). 

i just ate too much today. gross. gross. gross.

it was day 4 of my liquid diet. 

the first day, did well with just water & coffee.

second day, did pretty good with just a smoothie & water & coffee.

yesterday, did alright with gazpacho, water, coffee, tea, & kombucha.

today i failed. i had coffee, then tomato soup @ 4. then my mom asked me to go to dinner with her… i was going to have a smoothie but they had none… so i ate a spinach salad w/ walnuts, soy feta, balsamic, hummus & roasted red peppers, then went home, my friend came over, we got high, saw paper heart, then i came home and ate way too much. i’m talking guacamole i made (1 avo, salsa, salt, onions, garlic) with broccoli and heirloom tomatoes. FUCK.

tomorrow i will have water & lots of coffee (and probably alcohol, but red wine, so its the healthiest i can do).

the next day i will have a superfood naked juice. 

and i will continue on a liquid diet & my daily 1.5hr workout (cardio, strength training, yoga, abs, stretching) until i go back to new york a week from today. i have to look good, fuck.